I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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