Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
