Swine flu. Run for my life!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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