he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
