I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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