I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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