my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
