I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
