You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
