I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
