We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
