I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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