my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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