i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
