rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
