i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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