just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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