She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
