You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Found the puke drawer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
