I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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