All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
