I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My vagina just recognized that song.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
