You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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