I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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