Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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