so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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