Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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