i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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