i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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