i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
