Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
