Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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