Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
