i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
