Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
