Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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