they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
