Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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