I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
