an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
