they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
