I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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