Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
