just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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