did you get engaged???
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
