You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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