Non-Jews are for practice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
