that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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