great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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