ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
